Are You What You Are Or What

It’s funny how once I stumble, I use it as an excuse to fall flat on my face and lie on the ground feeling sorry for myself. Did I say funny? I meant pathetic. 

I’ve been backsliding with all my might, doing it with zeal, shouting, “fuck you, me!” I didn’t post my menu or my weigh in because I didn’t make a menu or weigh myself. I’ve been eating restaurant food despite the fact that my budget has been screaming at me and begging for asylum. What in the actual fuck is my problem?

This is not the time for excuses. This is the time for action. 

As of today I weigh 284. I gained back two of the pounds I lost and am at an overall loss of two pounds.

I had my thyroid checked a few months ago and I was actually hoping I had hypothyroidism. I have many of the symptoms and it would explain so much. But my numbers appear normal, so it’s back to the drawing board.

For the remainder of the week, I’m going to be eating tuna over a salad for dinner. That was meant to be my lunch all week but I’ve been eating takeout. I don’t want the vegetables to go to waste. 

I really dislike writing about my failures, but I want to be  honest if nothing else. 

I need to get my body moving. A friend suggested yoga and I think that’s an excellent idea. I’m going to look through YouTube for beginner’s yoga. I took a belly dance class and the instructor had us do yoga as a warm up. After one of the steps, I felt all my stress leaving my body and a sensation of peace so powerful that  tears came to my eyes.

I really dislike exercise videos with fast dance steps that I have to memorize. I always end up marching in place. Which is strange because I adore Just Dance and can play for about forty five minutes. I guess the exercise videos I’ve used are lame. I’ll stick to the Wii and yoga. I need to do something to make me feel good.


You Eat What We Give You, Inc.

I told myself that I could blog as soon as I was done cleaning. Now that I’ve cleaned, I’ve forgotten what I wanted to say. I think the lesson here is clear: never clean. Ever.

When I decided to make a menu, I thought I’d cut down quite a bit on meat. I made the menu, looked at it in self-satisfaction, and was dismayed to see meat everywhere. This was my first month though and I’m proud to say that beef is off the menu. I’m still getting used to cooking all the time. I’m pretty lost as to what I can cook that’s nutritious, inexpensive, doesn’t interfere with my restrictions, and will please my child. I  dug around the internet for recipes and ideas and got overwhelmed with information. I quickly lost interest. I decided defiantly to do my own damn menu with my own damn recipes. That was not a good idea AT ALL. I’m no Martha Stewart. I came crawling back to the internet.

Here is the dinner menu for this week. I’m not including breakfasts or lunches as my child eats at school and my meals are repetitious (yogurt and salad as far as the eye can see.)

Tonight: Pancakes with reduced sugar syrup and bacon.

Monday: Couscous with chicken.

Tuesday: Spaghetti with sauce (no meat)

Wednesday: Potato soup

Thursday: Fried rice with vegetables

Friday: Macaroni and cheese

Saturday: Shredded chicken tacos

Keep in mind I have an entire menu devoted to my daughter’s snacks. Vegetables, fruit, and dairy can be found there. 

I have to admit I’m totally unprepared for the goal section of this post. I guess I’d like to start working on my hygiene. So my goal for the week is to bathe every day. Yes, I’m serious. I don’t and I feel shitty about myself when I don’t. So I will.

I kinda don’t want to stop writing, but I’ll save something for tomorrow. Goodnight.