Are You What You Are Or What

It’s funny how once I stumble, I use it as an excuse to fall flat on my face and lie on the ground feeling sorry for myself. Did I say funny? I meant pathetic. 

I’ve been backsliding with all my might, doing it with zeal, shouting, “fuck you, me!” I didn’t post my menu or my weigh in because I didn’t make a menu or weigh myself. I’ve been eating restaurant food despite the fact that my budget has been screaming at me and begging for asylum. What in the actual fuck is my problem?

This is not the time for excuses. This is the time for action. 

As of today I weigh 284. I gained back two of the pounds I lost and am at an overall loss of two pounds.

I had my thyroid checked a few months ago and I was actually hoping I had hypothyroidism. I have many of the symptoms and it would explain so much. But my numbers appear normal, so it’s back to the drawing board.

For the remainder of the week, I’m going to be eating tuna over a salad for dinner. That was meant to be my lunch all week but I’ve been eating takeout. I don’t want the vegetables to go to waste. 

I really dislike writing about my failures, but I want to be  honest if nothing else. 

I need to get my body moving. A friend suggested yoga and I think that’s an excellent idea. I’m going to look through YouTube for beginner’s yoga. I took a belly dance class and the instructor had us do yoga as a warm up. After one of the steps, I felt all my stress leaving my body and a sensation of peace so powerful that  tears came to my eyes.

I really dislike exercise videos with fast dance steps that I have to memorize. I always end up marching in place. Which is strange because I adore Just Dance and can play for about forty five minutes. I guess the exercise videos I’ve used are lame. I’ll stick to the Wii and yoga. I need to do something to make me feel good.

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